Lesbian Jokes

Three funny lesbian jokes I recently heard:

1. What do you call a lesbian with 1000 semiautomatic weapons? Militia Etheridge

2. What do you call an Irish lesbian? Gaylick

3. What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians? A licker cabinet

Encounter #2: Good Massage = Gateway Drug

To be honest, I should say that I got 2 real responses to my post. The other 20 or so were fake, spam, etc. Annoying, but unavoidable.

Anyway, so one of the responses was from an email queen. Just wanted to write back and forth, but was too afraid to meet. The other response was the keeper. She was stressed from her job. Massage sounded wonderful. She's meet me at the hotel later that week. Jackpot!!

When she arrived at the room, I was prepared. Massage lotion. Dimmed lights. Towel. Wine. Everything you'd expect from a nice, innocent massage. I left her alone to undress and get comfy. I returned back to the bed, and began the massage. Very slowly. Spend alot of time on the neck, shoulders, and back initially. Just barely graze other areas to get her thinking about it. Ask softly if she'd like her thighs, feet, etc massaged. Of course the answer is yes. If you feel comfortable, I can do the front? She's more than comfortable with that.

Here's some valuable advice, guys.....a good, slow, sensual massage is like a gateway drug. Seemingly innocent and no big deal at first (marijuana), but inevitably gets you into a mood to try more and more intensely pleasurable things (cocaine, heroin, etc). (Please note, I'm not into drugs at all, it was just a good analogy!)

So, what did that initial rub down turn into? Me gently fingering her. Then me sensually eating her out until she came loudly. And then....one of the most lovely blowjobs I've ever received (hand-mouth alteration perfect, slow/deep-fast/shallow sucking ratio ideal, etc. Guys know what I'm talking about). And all this amazing oral sex from a simple post looking to give a friendly massage.

Just get yourself on the field, boys.......and don't forget to bring your weed!

Encounter #2: My First Successful Post

So if you recall, Encounter #1 was my lucky as hell experience after response to a post made by a lovely woman in need of some pleasure. But then I learned how fortunate I had been, and how 95% of female posts are fakes? Ok, we're all caught up.

At this point, I realized that I had to make the posts myself. Guys, it's the only realistic chance you have on CL or any other similar site. You have to be able to draw them in using some of the ideas I expressed in a previous post. Write well, make it about her, stand out without alienating a potential lover, etc.

This all being the case, what angle did I take to lead to my first successful post? I like to call it, "The Massage". The post is short and sweet, and goes something like this...."I'm looking for a woman who enjoy receiving a nice, slow, full-body massage. This guy just wants to help you relax, and get rid of all that stress and tension you have been carrying around. Nothing expected in return, it's just about making you feel good. If this sounds like something you might like, I'd love to hear from you".

Simple. That was it. Notice that it wasn't vulgar, phrased like I had the writing skills of a second grader, offensive, pushy, demanding pleasure for myself. Nothing like that. In fact.....it wasn't even sexual at all! Just a friendly massage.

Of course, I'm no masseuse, and had intentions beyond just giving a massage. But there was no need to get into that just yet. The fact is, these posts are just about getting yourself onto the field. Once you're there, the way you play makes all the difference.

I got two responses to that post, and one worked out quite wonderfully.